Brush with Asia #1

Advice for travellers: If you are travelling to Asia try to do as much of any possible paperwork in the UK before you leave home because ............... YOU WILL LOSE THE WILL TO CARRY ON IF YOU TRY TO DO IT IN ASIA.

Deep breath ..............calm ..................ommm................ummmmm ...........aah

In the UK we are used to getting a list of requirements whenever we have to fill out forms or attempt any kind of administrative procedure with shipping companies, passport offices, visas, tax and customs, birth and death certificates, credit card companies, investments etc. etc. etc.

After we have filled in the form there is usually a handy little check list for example:

Before you seal the envelope please check that you have:
a) used black ink to complete the form
b) included a passport sized photo taken within the last 3 months
c) attached a cheque for your membership fee made out to "Helpful Club Ltd"
d) enclosed a photocopy of your driving license
e)etc. etc. etc.

Having completed all the tasks, included all the necessary documentation and the fee, you can send off your envelope feeling failry sure thate everything will be processed and your membership card, passport, goods or whatever, will arrive without further ado.

Here is the Asian version..............

1. Hello Ms. Your goods have arrived. Please send copy of shipping invoice.
This, of course, you do in a matter of minutes.
2. Two days go by.
3. Hello Ms. Please supply translation of invoice. First find your willing translator and then email it across (two days plus a weekend go by)
4. Hello Ms. please send prepare customs clearance. Again, a quick shuffle through the computer files and you send the form entitled 'Customs Clearance' that was required by ethy shipping company in Manchester.
5. One day later......
6. Hello Ms. Please enquire repair English speaker on telephone. Will be easier.
7. Next day - ask the girl who did the translation to please speak to Nghyen Nhat.
8. Girl - THINKS- maybe I should go to the airport for the customs office. Same afternoon dash across city to airport to do - not quite sure what.
9. Inexplicable communications with telepathic customs officers, taxi driver, security guard, police, taxi supervisor, receptionist, office supervisor, parking lot attendant, gate keeper, Domino's Pizza girl, two anonymous people on the phone with taxi driver and one piece of green paper later....................
10. Face to Face (in a very seedy part of the airport hinterland where rooms are rented by the minute and even the taxi driver looks nervous)  - Hello Miss - thank you but customs officer gone home - maybe we can see if he accept green paper tomorrow.

Now, you see.......... if only they had said at the start:
Before you can receive delivery of your boxes they will have to clear customs. To do this you must supply:
1. A translation of your shipping invoice
2. A translation of your TNT customs clearance form
3. A green customs form from your port of entry ( airport for example)

BUT NO................................ it's as if every procedure is a new learning experience for them as they feel their way through each job, neither learning from the previous occasion they did the same thing nor passing on any advice or experienc to make this job easier than the last. I expect their are no Asian words for 'efficiency' - except in Japan of course where they completeloy redefined it for the entire world!  Kaizen!!

I have a feeling this may not be the end of this saga. I have just had an email to say thay have opened my boxes and I feel almost certain they will find something inadmissable in there. Keep your fingers crossed its not the watercolour paper, the lino, the books or the sketch books, the knives and stapler or the broken laptop (brought for a cheap Asian repair fix jobbie). 

One sleepless night ahead I fear.